Privilege and Freedom
When I speak out in the DEI space — this tends to happen more and more as I transition — I try to remind myself the 3 characteristics of existence in Buddhism:
everything is changing (anicca)
everyone is vulnerable to change (dukkha)
nothing exists on its own. (anattā)
I often start conversations with where things are for me and people around at the time, and where we need to go in my opinion.
For example, all gender dressing rooms in the theater. I would list all the reasons for why it’s often separated by binary gender system (even if it’s bs in my view) and have an understanding (again even if it’s bs in my view). It’s not difficult to list them when I think of cisgender privileges that I experienced in the past. (Was it actually privileges for me is another topic.) Then I would ask for specific changes that need to happen for achieving an all gender dressing room… It might not look like achieving the goal right away but hopefully eventually.
I try not to minimize or compare the stress or pain that cis people are feeling, because pain is pain. Oppression competition drives me to madness. At the same time I do not minimize my own pain in the face of transphobia and oppositional sexism. As I pay attention and care for cis people’s pain (not cuddling but actually just knowing the pain is pain), I do point out how their needs are often prioritized.
ALOK said in a podcast interview:
“The reason you [cis people] don't fight for me [TGNB] is because you're not fighting for yourself fully.”
From the place of care, I ask cis people to think how they could fight not for trans people but for themselves. Because transphobia is not trans people’s issue but cis people’s issue, fighting against transphobia in any capacity could lead to fighting against patriarchy, misogyny, and capitalism that serve no one. (It might benefit some but never serve anyone.) This connection has to come from the individual experience and understanding. I also add that this is a big ask for cis people to reflect and take action because they do not have to do this, sitting on cis privileges. (I know because I identified as cis until a few years ago.) But is cis privilege really a privilege? Or is it a prison that harms others and essentially harms themselves? I try to ask myself the question someone asked… Bell Hooks or Alook? Audre Lorde? I forgot… (probably all of them.)
Am I doing this to get myself more privilege, or am I doing this for liberation?
At the end of the day, everything I’ve written so far is dukkha. The word originally means… wobbly wheel, unstable. There's a sticky grip even to identify as transgender even though it might be necessary at times. There’s relentlessness to the consistent effort to carry out any processes when there are expected outcomes, even for social justice. That’s why I keep asking the question above over and over in many conversations and meditation practice.
OK then all identifications are bad? - No, in my opinion.
Should we not advocate for equity and inclusion? - Of course, we must.
Should I not cling to anything? - Mmmm, hopefully not but I wonder I have that much control.
I’m just very careful of the “ultimate truth” that all identifications end up with clinging, which might lead to a type of nihilism or false optimism. I think “truth” is more nuanced, layered, and complex.
Identification, association, intellectualizing… give me enough solidity in the world that’s moving faster than I could ever comprehend. Race and gender theory expands my lack of perception. Me identifying as transgender is a form of attachment that gives me comfort and belonging when my identification as a man is dissolving.
Unlearning is painful and overwhelmingly intense. I’m saying goodbye to a lot that has been there with me for 37 years. How can I go through it but to be kind? And I forget that a lot because of the intensity. Regardless, that's why I practice while I transition.
