Confirmation Biases
I got to know a lot about my own righteousness during the pandemic. It is incredible! I have a strong view on where I got covid, why, and how… What vaccines and masks do… It's an informed idea to some extent but sometimes I act very certain even though no one really knows what’s going on. That’s why there are ongoing studies and new treatments.
It’s partially to feel safe and secure in an insecure condition like the pandemic. I’m glad reasoning is available to convince myself that I know something when I don’t. Delusional? Yes. Comforting? Yes, to some point. I see something similar when transgender anything comes up. Lots of people act like they are biologists or sociologists. Human biology, gender and sexuality are more complex than we might imagine. No one still does not know how the human brain functions, yet I still see many people, including myself, using biology or science to push individual biases onto others. That’s an old trick that certain religious groups have done with “God” for a long time. I find it boring in 2022. We’ve been there done that.
I often confuse myself with what is happening during my transition. There are many labels that I could be put on. AMAB, MTF, trans woman, trans femme… I am not hiding that I have a penis, or trying to deceive that I have vagina (I could get one after going through lots of gatekeeping). AND I am a woman. Someone has commented on my IG that I was not a “real'' woman. Ok… sure. I am not trying to convey that I am cis woman. I’m a happily openly trans woman. (Also I don’t have time for lecturing gender 101 to TERFs.) I was mis-assigned at birth as a man. Trans women are not cis women but women nonetheless. When anyone tries to pass as cis is mostly because of violence and oppression. TBH it is pure luck that the doctor could possibly assign a baby’s gender and get it right. Let alone that it gets malicious and violent for people with intersex condition. I was born a woman, and I had penis. That’s all. These facts do not have to contradict each other. However it does because collectively society hates trans people.
No trans people will just start claiming whatever they want as their identity. Again it is shit living as trans because of the oppression from transphobia (internalized or not), even when I KNOW that it is fucking joyous. I’d like to assure non-trans people that transitioning is not like what you imagine. AT ALL. It is not what I wish or desire. It is a fulfillment of what was denied of me at birth. If you are not trans, you don’t know. That's why you aren’t trans.
I’ve talked to enough friends about my transition and thank goodness for their support. I have noticed that people think transition is stressful, and so did I. However, transition is not stressful. It is insightful and joyous. What is stressful is the external condition that lacks education in gender and sexuality despite all the studies that’s out there. It’s nice to know that some people also think what I do is courageous or inspiring. But if they have any empathy and compassion for the TGNC community, I would rather know their stories about gender. I want cis people (even gay and lesbian) to reflect on how their gender, sexuality, biases, privileges, patriarchy, (trans)misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia have had effects on their life.
And please stop doubting kids ability to know. Kids are fucking wise (not in the adult conceptual rhetoric kind of sense). Please listen to the kids. Also lots of studies done by adults suggest that gender affirming care for trans youth is life saving. People like science until they start to prove what they don’t wanna see. And yes I am like that too. The difference is that I’m trying to live, some are trying to deny my humanity.
